i don’t know, i don’t know

Today I hate the world. Today sucked.

Today I found out that my dog had been euthanized. The cops found him a few days after the crash and he was staying in someone’s backyard. He decided he’d had enough and he jumped the fence and ran. He was sent to the pound and put to sleep two days later.

I hate the pound. They murdered my dog.
Here’s the thing. As I was crumpled on the air mattress sobbing about adding one more thing to the list of losses I stopped to consider whether or not I was one of those people. You know…cat lady. Crying because her dog was dead (I guess that makes me dog lady, not cat lady). Turning into a raging, crazed person fighting against euthanasia because it’s murder. I came to the conclusion that I’m not. I’m allowed to cry over my little Domino. Like a lot of other things I’ve lost, I loved him. And it straight up sucks to lose things you love. Whether they’re big significant things or not. Whether it’s my puppy that was sometimes the only creature I liked or my favorite red soccer shorts I’ve had since eleventh grade. This accident caused a lot of loss of things I loved.

Obviously losing Domino isn’t quite the same as losing Jada, but there are similar feelings there. That little mutt was part of our family and we’d been through a lot to get him this far across the country. As with Jada, I’ll probably have mini meltdowns when I remember little funny stories about him or mannerisms that I’ll never get to see again. I’ll try to keep those to myself though so that I don’t start blogging about my dead dog. That qualifies as psychotic, even I can see that.

Some days I don’t want to keep my chin up. Some days are bad and some days are worse. Tomorrow will be better. I won’t feel so devastated and I’ll probably be more rational. My perspective on crazy cat ladies won’t be the same though. As much as I hate to join their ranks by admitting this, Domino was my friend. And I miss him. And Jada. And my dad. And my red soccer shorts.
[Do dogs go to heaven? Or is that just an idea created by hopeful, dog lovin' animators?]
See that praying mantis? It’s a feather. I was bored on those long stretches of road. And I felt this was an appropriate time to share this lovely picture.

I’m not crazy. I promise.

[Title from Something by that guy in Across the Universe]


  1. Bridian you are not cat lady!!! I had a dog that died last year and I cried for weeks, she was part of the family and sometimes the only living thing I wanted to be around. I know the loss of an animal is not anything compared to the loss of a family member but we are all allowed to mourn (even if it is for a dog.) I just wonder why they put him down so soon?!
    I am certain dogs go to heaven and that Pretzel (my dog) is going to live with me up there. I think domino is up with Jada keeping her company. And for reference, until you have more cats or dogs (whatever the case may be) than fingers you are not considered 'cat lady' in my book!:)

  2. Oh Bridian- and Jace,

    I am so very sorry. So very sorry. You are allowed to drop your chin once in a while. You can cry and be absolutely justified. I remember years ago when I had gotten divorced and lost all of my animals (and I had a lot) to one thing or the other. All I had left was my cockateil, and Napoleon and I were close! He was on my shoulder one day when i went outside to my car and fluttered off. A stray cat whipped right out to get him and killed him instantly. I was so distraught my mom had to take me to the hospital for some meds to calm me down. So I can somewhat relate. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Geesh...I need to be there to give you a big red hug. I will in two weeks. I love you very very much... Chin up (or down when you need to cry... it's ok) Love you lots honey. JOY

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  4. if you start eating cat food I will call you a crazy cat lady.

    until then, dogs are some of the best creatures on this earth, especially when they are close to you.

    Sometimes they act more humane than humans... and I am so sorry for your loss.
    As for dogs in heaven... I am going to research this, yes for you but mostly because now you just have me curious

    I am so sorry Brid, love you.

  5. Nothing crazy about how you feel. It would be crazy if you DIDN'T feel the way you do. That you can talk about it, write about it, and express it so eloquently makes you one remarkable person. My heart breaks for you and your family. I have 3 crazy dogs, and I cry even now while they are young and healthy thinking about the inevitable. THAT is crazy. :)

  6. You can always be thankful you are not crazy stinky bird poop lady. Remember how when you first met her you had to go home fron work,because it was too much for you. You've earned the right to blog about all that you lost. This is therapy for all of us. Thanks Love D.

  7. Bridian, here is the summarized version of it.

    Crap! Life Sucks! Dogs are the best!



  8. Bridian - sorry for all that life has trashed at you this past month, really sorry. FYI, The movie, All Dogs Go To Heaven was produced by Don Bluth and since he is LDS, I'm sure they do go to some place celestial. Love you all,


  9. The only redeeming thought through all of this is that Domino is keeping company with Jada. I truly believe that so neither is alone. My love to you and your family. Keep close the good memories. Keep praying to get through the days where troubles seem to be in the forefront of your life. Thank you for sharing with us! We all love you!

  10. I believe they go to Heaven and I also believe that your sister needed some company there and that is why he is now there with her. I love your blog. what a beautiful and faithful family you have. You will all be together again soon!

  11. I'm so sorry you had a bad day.
    :-( Here's to wishing you a happier day tomorrow. p.s.: let me know how cat food tastes. that is if you decide to try it. :-)

  12. I'm so sorry about your dog! That just stinks. You are certainly allowed to be sad over your little friend and everything else too. You always hear keep your chin up and be strong, but sometimes it seems that having some time to mourn and be sad is just the medicine you need to then pick up and get going in life again. You can do it! I wish it didn't have to be so hard for all of you right now though. On a better note, I read the previous post (yes, I read all of it) and laughed hysterically about the part about your allergy medical case they wanted to feed you cats. You are too funny! I'm so glad you have your sense of humor still. Keep your chin up and tell your mom Hi!