no sleep tonight

I am not a bad cook.

I was exposed to culinary magic when I was ten or eleven. I’ve cooked for large parties, and consistently cooked for my family of eight. I’ve tried crazy recipes, learned tricks of the trade, and developed my own methods of creating successful (or at least edible) foods. Despite all of this, I cannot, for the life of me, cook pancakes.


I don’t know why. Really. I try every different technique I can think of, but they always get burned or come out all doughy or lopsided or something. Always. So when I decided that I needed to bake and freeze a large batch of pancakes for when I leave for Florida, disaster naturally followed.


Perhaps I should mention that I didn’t sleep again last night. Not. At. All. I’d like to blame Pintrest, which is what I idled away my time with, but really it was my talkative brain again. Around 4:30 this morning I decided I should start baking, start doing something productive. Hence the pancakes. Which weren’t initially productive.

I tried a different approach after ruining the first few pancakes: I turned the burner to the lowest it would go and let them take their time cooking.



Granted, it took me two hours to make one bag of them but hey, who cares, as long as they’re perfectly golden brown.IMG-20110914-00286

In the meantime I whipped up some pita bread, no big deal. That’s right—I can handle pita bread and not pancakes.IMG-20110914-00282

I don’t know how all the repetitive motions of the kitchen didn’t put me to sleep standing up. The continual chops of the knife, the constant sound of the rolling pin, over and over and over. I feel like I’m in a trance; I know I’m awake but it doesn’t really feel like it.


I can’t even say I enjoyed baking today. I just stood there going through the motions wondering what was wrong with me and why I could lay down with my eyes wide open at three in the morning and not even feel tired.


In retrospect I think maybe my subconscious was keeping me awake because of this:

no sleep


That is my piano. It is here. There’s a couple molecules of excitement inside me trying to get my whole body excited, because I’ve been waiting for this day for a loooong time. However, those molecules need some sleep first.

Here’s to waking up with excitement like it’s Christmas morning!

[I might not blog for a long time. My fingers will be adjusting to a new keyboard. Adios.]

[Title from No Sleep Tonight by Faders, Inc.]


  1. Okay, in defense of my life, I will post a comment. :) Brid, your pancakes looked so good my stomach is growling. And the pitas...mmmm...I am so excited that your piano is there. I hope you have many happy moments playing on a different keyboard. I love to read your blog. You always bring a smile to my face. Keep it up! You are amazing!

  2. Yum....... pancakes and pita bread. The breakfast of champions right there. Well, have fun playing piano. you might want to post every once in a while, just to keep people following, right?

  3. Ok... here I go! Let me tell you, Bridian, how much I "envy" you for...well, for many things, but for the sake of this comment, for your love of cooking. It sounds so natural to you, and then you even like to clean after yourself. WOW!!! You are my hero!

    Love you, Bridian. Love your blog. Looking forward to a huge hug next week.

  4. The only way I have ever been able to make pancakes is on a flat electric skillet. Non-stick of course. I love reading your blogs. You amaze me at the way you write and how grown up you sound. I hope you write a book or something some day. It also amazes me how strong you and your family are. I can only pray that I would be that strong. Thank you for writing.

  5. Ummmm..I was going to offer to help w/ the pancakes...but you obviously figured it out! So, given my show of good will...I think it would only be appropriate for you to share your pita bread knowledge. Thank you. :-D

  6. I'm also a failed pancake maker, but I learned the key is using a smaller pan (about the size of the pancakes you want to make) and just make one at a time.

  7. Another awesome blog! Hmmmm, still waiting to hear you've started writing a book! I'll give you an extension since the piano arrived!

  8. score for pianos and pita bread.

    Are you going to start coming around again once Lyss gets back? I think far too many people here miss you.
    Have you tried exercising about 2 hours before you want to sleep?
    For awhile that was the only way I could actually get any rest.

  9. Aw, low is the trick! Nuts I'm so impatient! For the record I read your blog faithfully. It is inspiring to me in many ways. It males me want to be a writer and a photographer and a cook and a runner and a pianist! It is my down time to take five minutes and read a post or two. So thank you for making me want to be better by sharing your life! And you can chalk up another reader- my husband, if he hasn't already spoken for himself:) also did you get a look in that truck your piano was in? Did their happen to be a GIANT dinosaur in their?! Glad your piano made it!!!

  10. hahahahahha I love your blog posts, I hope I get to see you when you come to FL...? ILL MAKE COOKIES.

  11. Play the song where you have to use your arm to hit like all the sharps. Always a classic.

  12. So excited that you have your piano! It's beautiful and so are you and WOW so is your writing!

    Have you thought about trying yoga? You could do it after Heather's idea of exercising to help you get relaxed and ready for bed...?

  13. AHH that piano is beautiful!!! Hooray!! oh and ps you might want to sleep once in awhile :)

  14. i didn't know you played the piano. i can't wait to hear you play!

  15. I'm super excited for you and this new piano. I miss going to family home evenings at your house, and gathering around the piano with all of your musically talented siblings singing harmonies, and me being the awkward girl singing the melody. :)