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write our name up in the sky

First on the agenda: Thank you to everyone who submitted pancake tips to me after learning of my pancake-making handicap. They were very much appreciated and will be tested out on an individual basis. Prize will go to the person who gave the most helpful suggestion. I will mail you pancakes. No, really I won’t.

Second: Thanks to those who offered suggestions to help me sleep. They worked: 802

Me and my Amarillo blanket! And people being too loud while I slept, I guess. Photocred to my mother.

However, I cant’ sleep again tonight. But for different reasons. My brain is being talkative again. Except this time, instead of being a debbie downer, it’s being excited and saying happy things like “you’re gonna see insert name/sight/location here in just a little while!”. It’s making long lists of go-here, bring-this-with, see-this-person. And once it starts it just keeps going—there’s no stopping it. When I decide I need to write some of this down the decision’s been made. I have to get up and write. It doesn’t matter if it’s 3:24 in the morning (ahem); it’s like an itch I have to scratch. SO here it is.

I got a text from a friend this week asking if I fell in ‘one of those big Texas holes’. [By the way, sorry for not answering that text. I’ve been bad at that lately…] While I didn’t physically fall into a hole, I have been pretty stuck the past few days.

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Here’s what happened: Sometimes I slip into a downward spiral; like once I get started being sad, it doesn’t stop. Some people might say it’s hormones, but 1. it’s not cyclical (ha) and 2. I don’t like the idea of being defenseless against something invisible and intangible. And I’m pretty much defenseless against this sometimes. I wrote this the day before I went to Canada, which was the last time I remember feeling this way:

“I find myself getting caught in these glass boxes of fear and self doubt and it turns into a frenzied panic. It can get triggered by one thing, one small disappointment or hurt feelings or sharp word and it’s like I’m free falling off of a high cliff. With sharp rocks at the bottom. Then everything is wrong. Nothing is going the way I want it to. People are cruel, heartless, and selfish. I’m a terrible, useless person. And so on. I always recognize that it’s happening, but I feel powerless against stopping it. I want to cheer up, to let it go, to get some perspective. I know that everything will be better tomorrow. But it doesn’t help. I can’t fight it. I just have to experience every horrid moment of it, crying and feeling like my heart is tearing and wanting to just throw up or die or something. Eventually it passes. Sometimes it takes a few hours, sometimes it takes a few days. Hopefully today’s episode will be short and I’ll be able to move on soon. It’s like the waves in Hawaii; if you fight against it you’ll lose. You’ll get tired out and the water will overpower you and you’ll drown. Riding it out is the only way to be safe, even if you don’t end up where you wanted to go. So I’ll just sit here and ride it out and hope to have a better day tomorrow.”

And that’s how I‘ve felt the past few days. Hence the lack of blogging. I don’t like depressing people in large doses. That was your dose for the day. Now on to the good stuff!

The last two or three days I was “hired” to unpack/organize somebody’s house. Ummmmm hello, dream job. No, really. It was glorious, taking the clutter of boxes and turning the piles of junk into organized stacks. Pulling things out and sorting, tossing, keeping. Putting them into baskets, inside cupboards, on hangers. I made those rooms look beautiful, which is rewarding. And money is nice too. Just sayin’.

A few days ago I woke up around four in the morning because I kept hearing this weird tapping noise. It sounded like someone was tapping on the window or something. I wasn’t really coherent enough to care to find out what it was, so I went back to sleep. The next morning I realized that it was the blinds flapping against the windowsill because the windows were open for the first time ever and it was cold and windy outside! It had rained the night before! SO gorgeous. Honestly, there’s nothing better than that weather. After the first real night of sleep I felt like it was a fresh start. It was a glorious day, with the dark, overcast skies and the rain stained fence. I spent the fist twenty minutes of my day just staring out the open window feeling the icy wind. [That is my life folks. I’m pretty much a house cat.]IMG-20110915-00314IMG-20110915-00323

My mom even busted out her yellow raincoat.

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Trust me—yellow raincoats are rare in Texas.

If you couldn’t tell by my reaction last time it was overcast, I LOOOOOOOOVE ITTTTTTT. There was more skipping and joyfulness. And more baking, because there’s nothing like some delicious white bean/chicken/spinach/parmesan soup on a cold, rainy day. [I gotta come up with a better name than that. Suggestions?]IMG-20110915-00329

Soup just isn’t as good without homemade garlic French bread. I accidentally-on-purpose baked them on waxed paper instead of parchment paper because it was the only paper we had and I thought no one would know the difference. Well, my stove did. On an unrelated note, every single one of our fire alarms work. IMG-20110915-00326

Buuuuuuut it tasted good anyway. It’s hard to go wrong with soup and breadsticks on a day like that. Everyone was happy. We skipped in circles singing songs and braided each other’s hair. Jace especially loved that.

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Jk we didn’t really braid his hair. Sorrrrry.

I also baked a TON of food, as is common when I’m all emotional and stuff.

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(This picture does not do it justice AT ALL. Go here for a better picture and the recipe. Emotional eating at it’s finest.)

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Fun story: I started to make red velvet cupcakes and then realized we didn’t have any red food coloring. So I made blue velvet cupcakes and they tasted just as good. Actually that story wasn’t really very fun at all. Sorry.

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Here’s a fun story—it’s called “Aria’s friend”. It’s actually a story in pictures. Here we go. IMG-20110917-00355IMG-20110917-00357IMG-20110917-00366IMG-20110917-00354IMG-20110917-00353IMG-20110917-00352

Favorite story of the weekend.

The runner up—a close second:

Remember crazy-intense-marathon-runner-lady who I go running with occasionally? Usually way too early in the morning? Well Saturday I reeeeally had to pee in the middle of the run. She encouraged me to use a port-o-potty. And she wasn’t kidding. So while she stood guard I trudged through half a muddy field to get to the plastic shack. Running was much more comfortable after that. Reason #53 why I like her. Port-o-potties aren’t socially unacceptable with her.

Saturday I got the greatest care package in the entire world. 820IMG-20110917-00373

I’m gonna have to perfect those pancake making skills before I use this stuff. It’s like candy. Or drugs. Or gold. Whichever analogy works for you.

I also got to hang out with this lady:

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Look at that mischievous grin. Which was totally appropriate, considering one of our activities involved going to Lowe’s and getting some paint samples.

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I use the term “some” loosely.

Oh, and then I got all crafty again. Are you ready for this?

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Yeah that’s right. I made that. By myself. I made that non-painted, wire-strung frame. For all five pairs of earrings that I really never wear. Then, since I was on an organizing/crafting roll I made this:

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Would you just look at that again? It is a thing of beauty. I amaze myself sometimes. Again, with the jewelry that I never wear. Now it can sit on the wall of my closet and not be worn instead of being crumbled up into a heap and stuck in a box and not be worn. That's some happy jewelry right there.

The good news is that my creativity rubbed off on the girls. Kenyan made a sundial. With. A. Feather. IMG-20110918-00424

And Aria, in a moment of sheer culinary genius made some limeade with a  real lime.

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Are we not the cleverest bunch of people you’ve ever met?

Sunday Jace and I played a grueling game of Dots.

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Clearly, I won.

And of course, there was a lot of piano playing. Granted, it didn’t sound very good since our piano desperately needs a tuner. But it’ll come with time, and for now I’m just creating some…interesting renditions of our favorites.

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I’m off to go anticipate the excitement that lies in the Sunshine State.

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yeeeeeeah.

[Title from Young Forever by The Ready Set]

14 comments:

  1. Oh. My. GOSH.

    I am making those chocolate chip/Oreo/brownie bars as soon as is humanly possible. I have all the ingredients except for the Oreos... this is happening, and my life will be a little bit better because of it.

    :)

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  2. Hey Bridian. I felt the exact same way you did all weekend, and it's a hard thing to come out of. You know there is lots of good in life, but sometimes one thing after another gets you down. Not sure why you would need to know that about me, except that it must be normal to feel that low every now and then. Thanks for sharing!

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  3. I can't wait to see you!!!!! ♥ :D

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  4. I like the way you play dots!
    You could surely humble my sons with your skills! By the way, your blog makes me hungry... :)

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  5. I have to say I am all too familiar with that glass box feeling. I am glad you busted out again! I am also thinking it would be in my favor to live closer when you are in the box...I could use some chocolatey gooeyness! ...though my jeans may not appreciate your efforts nearly as much as my mouth would! :-)

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  6. ok i secretly love your wire/frame earring organizer...and i don't know why i said secretly because it's not really. but you have inspired me to be crafty so hopefully my earrings will no longer be in a pile on the floor soon. have a great day!

    love mybree

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  7. OH MY GOSH! LOOK AT ALL THAT DELICIOUS LOOKING FOOD!!!!!!! Man, I so want to come and eat at your place.

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  8. hi hi birdyan say hi to vanessa and kayla and erika and my friends!!!! (aka you have to go to bair)

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  9. ps its me, the creative person who makes a sundail with a feather

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  10. Aloha Brid! I miss you! and here is what I have to say: A) you're food looks FANTASTIC and i'm pretty sure that you should stop posting picture of it because I am back in Hawaii, living in the hales (Hale 2, just fyi ;p), and I am forced to have a stupid meal plan and eat in the ridiculous caf and you're pictures are sheer torture! B) that package was the most incredible thing I have ever seen!!!!! who sent it? oh! and you should text me back too!!! love ya! hope florida is amazing! 'tis all!

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  11. Sometimes I wish I could just live with you guys.
    1. Seeing your mom being cute with that yellow raincoat.
    2. Aria with a bucket on her head...or, just being Aria in general.
    3. Your cooking, and craftiness!

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