back in love eventually

I spent a weekend in Idaho staring at stars, creating  metaphors, and mentally constructing a farm-raised version of myself.


A full day was devoted to a field and a four wheeler—just me and my iPod, carving new paths in the ground and taking jumps with way too much speed. I learned firsthand how it feels to create rushes of adrenaline, taking turns too fast and nearly rolling over.IMG-20120310-03117

I started out hesitantly, being cautious and careful to be safe and in control. Gradually I took sharper turns and higher jumps; I guess that confidence [or stupidity] that some people exude on motor vehicles comes with time, practice, and mistakes. I spent the day pushing my own limits a little further, getting a little riskier. It got easier the more I worked at it—less terrifying and more exhilarating.IMG-20120310-03123


There was a fleeting moment where I was reminded of Hawaii; just for a moment when I careened out to the middle of the field and shut off the engine, laying on the back with my hands behind my head staring at the sky. It may be a stretch, but it almost felt like I’d paddled out into the middle of the ocean and was lying on a surfboard staring at the sun.IMG-20120310-03079

Then I opened my eyes. IMG-20120310-03084

Idaho was a temporary freedom, perfectly embodied by fields that had no visible end and huge skies that made me feel small. I chased a brown, floppy eared dog through the fields, laughing yet feeling sad at how much this farm dog reminded me of my dog. I stretched out in the shade of the trees staring at the blue sky being slowly overtaken by dark clouds.IMG-20120311-03162 IMG-20120311-03163IMG-20120311-03161IMG-20120311-03168IMG-20120311-03178


There’s an undeniable charm that lies with small towns. Sometimes when I visit them I can imagine myself living there happily for the rest of my life.IMG-20120309-03019

…and then people from Florida text me and I’m right back to missing the ocean and the city.


[Title from Young Blood by Naked and Famous]