heaven runs through miles of clouded hell

The past few days have been enormously unsettling; a whirlwind of intangible stresses and failures and discouragements that seemed unconquerable. It all came to a head today this afternoon when my warm-weathered lifestyle clashed with the bitter, relentless cold of Utah. It was a balmy 57 degrees when I got ready for school. I left my apartment skipping in a sundress and sandals. Too good to be true? YES. By the time I left my first class it was overcast and so cold that it literally chilled my bones. It was also windy beyond belief; it was hard to even walk against the wind. People were looking at my bare legs with incredulity, I was looking at my bright red toes with despair. I called my mother for comfort, and simultaneously was going to take a picture of my numb toes [to remember them in case they fell off] when my phone died. So there I was walking up a steep hill with wind slamming against my body, frozen legs and numb toes, a dead phone, no mother, and a backpack full of textbooks cutting into the frozen metal plate screwed into my collarbone {painful, in case you were wondering}.

While I was selecting which parked car I was going to crawl under and die beneath, I remembered a note my roommate had left me a few days ago:IMG-20120304-03003

{accompanied by a huge Mountain Dew, which will solve any problem}

I thought about what that means. What was she hoping for? What was I hoping for? What would make my day get better? My dress wasn’t going to turn into pants and it certainly wasn’t going to stop blowing inappropriately in the wind {think Marilyn Monroe, minus the part where she did it intentionally}. My problems weren’t going away, my life wasn’t going to get easier, and the things I was depressed about weren’t going to be any less depressing. But. I could be happy. I could be thankful that tomorrow I could wear pants and boots and a scarf {trust me, that will be happening}. I could be excited about that blasted 6:30 evening class. I could laugh at myself, listen to a happier song, appreciate people around me a little more.

So I did. And what do you know, my day turned around. My toes became too frozen to feel cold, that evening class passed quickly, and I felt like my life was a little more conquerable. I was blissfully distracted from my sorrows by a lovely couple who filled my fridge with produce and my heart with happiness. Also they drove me home which gave my feet a chance to thaw out. I took a hot shower {which really is rare for me} and found comfort in the crevices of my couch to set some goals, forget worries, and remember those weird dreams I had last night.

I recreated the memorable scene from the frigid turning point in my day so that I could share it with you guys:


You’re welcome.

Note to self: It will not always be this easy to let go or to cheer up. That’s okay, and it’s understandable. Try to do it anyway. I’ll try to like you either way.

[Title from It’s Time by Imagine Dragons]


  1. Your best post yet. Love your writing. Makes me feel like in sandals and freezing with you.

  2. I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes I dread going to work. Then, I try to think about what I could do to make it better (instead of sitting around thinking about how tough it's going to be). A lot of times I feel so much better when I think about solutions instead of focusing on problems. Love your blog!

  3. You really should consider writing a book. Your imagery is amazing and you know how to draw the reader in. Okay, I'll stop being a teacher for a second (not easy to do). You have definitely redefined the meaning
    of comfortable cold. Any South Floridian can tell you that when the thermometer dips into the 50s, it's time to bundle up! You must have been longing for a chance to wear the sundress and sandals. Can't say as I blame you. I'm mentally sending you lots of sunshine, sand, and warmth. Catch...