right where you belong

[aka another post about how much I love Florida. Feel free to quit reading if you're tired of hearing about it]

Sometimes not having class until noon is actually a bad thing, as it completely justifies staying up well past three in the morning on the computer. On a completely unrelated note, I am so glad that I live in the age of blogs and Facebook, as it makes it incredibly easy to remember my lifeto look back at pictures of happy times and to re-read the way I felt about my life, accompanied by tears, laughter, and some intense missing of my sister.

At this point it's safe to say that no amount of time will change or diminish my emotions. I will probably always think that last April/May/June was one of the greatest periods of my life. I will always have a special love for the people in Florida that made it so wonderful. For the houses we stayed in, the people that moved our pianos, for the hands that helped and the ears that listened. I'm sure there are explanations for this crazy lovemy emotional vulnerability, my gratitude for people helping my family in ways that I couldn't, the amount of time I spent with these wonderful people, the moving date approaching so stubbornlyso many things contributed to the way I relied [in some cases still rely] on those poor people. I think I even loved the construction workers that tore everything apart and put it all back together so quickly.  Even now, a year later, I'm still astounded at how rapidly and how intensely my love grew for these people.

For those of you who may only know the latter half of the story, the first few months of 2011 were rocky. My dad left on New Year's day, which was really what triggered the move from Florida. So yes, we all should have been a tragic, sad, weepy mess. And we were some days. I suppose a good word for this time period would be "bittersweet". Except that I feel that word doesn't do the time period justice. It was mostly just sweet. And crazy and fun and wild and carefree and things like that.

I've never had so much fun in my life. True, part of this can be attributed to the lack of responsibility I had; I was stuck in this weird in-between phase, where I wasn't a kid but I wasn't an adult but I wasn't at school. My responsibilities were cooking [such a chore for me, obviously] and working at American Eagle [maybe twelve hours a week on a good week]. I think everything was more enjoyable because we knew that it was coming to an end. It made responsibilities feel like activities. It made every drive down Sunrise Boulevard a little more memorable, every rainstorm a little more beautiful, every daily routine a little more charming.
oh how I miss that little house

Don't get me wrong, not everything was peachy. There were times I sobbed on the floor of a partially packed kitchen. I distinctly remember blowing my nose into my skirt one time. Not one of my finer moments. Those months were the ones where I learned to crygood, healthy, heaving sobs. Believe it or not, I really wasn't a crier before then. The nights were often long and sad. But the days were spent soaking up sunshine, good company, and laughter and that was what mattered. I had friends, I had adventures, and I had a wicked good tan. What else matters?

I even had Jada.

I'm sure it may be obvious to some that I get a little obsessed with anything that represents my old life, be it people or places [the beach] or things. Going back to Florida brought me so much joy as it presented a backdrop where I could recreate all the memories of the first nineteen years of my life. I'm still clinging to that part of my life and I think that's one of the things that won't change with time. In all honesty, I don't love my life now the way that I did then. I don't think I ever will again. As much as the difficulties of last year were brutal and seemingly insurmountable, I think everyone should get to experience such an outpouring of love at least once in their life. That was what made it so blissful.

And as always, I don't know how to properly convey how much that love meant to me. Even me, with all my words and all my repeated attempts to express my feelings, I don't know how to explain how or why people mean so much to me. So {and this is not limited to people in Florida; this applies to people all over the world} if you've ever done anything nice for me or said a nice word to me or even liked my status on Facebook...know that I probably love you. A lot.

And that you've probably made my life a lot easier, or at the very least more enjoyable.

And that I'll probably love you forever.

Also know that your life will never be as good as mine.

Sorry 'bout it.

[Title from Uncanny by Anberlin]


  1. i enjoyed this post. i can totally relate about the time period you described after your dad left. it was actually some of the happiest times of my life b/c of the outpouring of love our family felt and the bond i felt with my siblings. :)

  2. Um remember that time I left Florida in a week?
    I know what you're going through, minus the tragic stuff.
    And if it's not perfectly acceptable to relish in the old days, to never think life is quite as good as it could've been in Florida, and to miss it every day...then I guess we're both crazy people.

  3. I loved the ending:)