words this paper so deserves

i’ve never been much of a planner. whether it’s life goals or weekly goals, i’ve just never been someone to plan things out and then execute them. i suppose i’ve gotten worse in the last year; the accident and the surprise-you’re-going-to-live-in-texas thing seemed to be a confirmation to me. like an affirmation of “hey, good job not making any life decisions because they wouldn’t have worked out that way anyway”. i still believe that progression is absolutely essential in life and that you have to set goals if you want to reach them, but i’m just getting used to things turning out ways other than what i expect.IMG-20120919-09258

for example, my wisdom teeth. i went to the oral surgeon’s office a few weeks ago, bracing myself for pain, chipmunk cheeks, and a weekend of downtime. what really happened was this: my face did not swell up. even once. i came home from my surgery around eleven, slept until about four, and woke up feeling completely back to normal. so i cleaned my truck, mulched my old house and our new house (oh yeah..we have two houses now...) cooked, and cleaned. and then the next day (a saturday) i got up at six and ripped tile out of our new house. that afternoon we had family pictures taken. the day after getting my wisdom teeth out! holla.

angry birffddddddddddddds

i went back to work on monday and tuesday, still taking medication but not really hurting. and then, suddenly, tuesday night i couldn’t sleep because i was in so much pain. i went back to the surgeon on thursday to find out i had dry socket and an infection. whoops. it took two weeks for me to get back on my feet after that, but i never did get a chipmunk face.

another thing that i couldn’t have planned for is my job. i love my job. when i was job hunting and people asked my preferences/asked what type of work i’d like to do, i was totally vague. i mostly just wanted to work in an office, doing...things. i wanted a friendly, casual environment, and i’d do whatever sort of work they needed. it frustrated people because that’s not really the sort of answer they were looking for, but GUESS WHAT i ended up getting exactly what i was looking for. sometimes i answer phones, sometimes i ride forklifts and pretend i’m surfing, sometimes i create data reports or type expense reports, sometimes i hammer metal poles, and most recently i learned how to clean a dead bird. the people that i work with are highly entertaining. i have a full time day job with benefits that is not a boring desk job, i sometimes run around barefoot and i always come home with new injuries. it really doesn’t get any better than this.


i have an official work email. so legit!


then there’s texas itself. so not what i expected. it’s been evolving since i moved here, starting as a place of heartbreak and turning into a happy place, a place of refuge. not a place of drama and turmoil, but simply a home. i understand now why people grow up here, why the local university is such a popular one and why graduates stay forever. lubbock is such a unique little place; everyone has texas tech pride and carwashes are a big deal. trucks are cool, i would die for a pair of cowboy boots, and i still freak out every time i see a little old man wearing a cowboy hat. i’m getting used to friendly strangers and country accents and i totally understand the phrase “big sky country”. i work twenty minutes out in the middle of nowhere and have mastered the art of taking pictures of the sky while driving. IMG-20120929-09339IMG-20120927-09324IMG-20120928-09330IMG-20120928-09334

instead of typical fall scenes (think colored leaves, crisp air, and cool temperatures) “autumn” here has been forty degrees and overcast. man, i love this place.

my sister’s getting married this weekend. and amidst all the flurry of matching skirts and travel plans, i haven’t had a lot of time to think about the fact that she is getting married. to some boy. forever. i wondered this morning if i could have seen this coming. a year ago, could i have imagined myself preparing for alyssa’s wedding? and what about a year from now? where will she be? where will i be? i have no idea. and that is what has made my life so beautiful. i could never have imagined the life i’m currently living. and i’m pretty imaginative. there are just too many variables to consider, to many options that i don’t even know i’m missing, too many incredible people that i haven’t even met yet. and i’m so dang lucky to be where i’m at.

[title from wish i’d stayed by ellie goulding]


  1. I'm not gonna lie, I teared up a little reading this. It could be good ole prego hormones or it could be that you are wonderful. Maybe both :) I'm so happy that you're happy. You deserve it!

  2. So true. I am the same...I always think in my head that things have to change, but I haven't really set out the "goals." I'm sure you're right in that it will make a big difference...