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a sullen heart ticking under the ground

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tonight i worked past sunset. i had no desire to go home, or anywhere really. so i didn’t. i drove out into the middle of nowhere (not hard to find around here) and contemplated. i enjoy being alone, unattached, unafraid. i like feeling peaceful and content with nothing but my thoughts and the dark sky full of stars. i miss the days of long bus rides where i’d lose myself in thoughts and daydreams, not minding where i ended up. i miss wandering through foreign countries, unsure of where i was or what people around me were saying, unafraid of wandering endlessly. it’s good for me to be alone; to have time suspended and hear only my own thoughts, to make sure that they still make sense. it’s like coming up for a breath of fresh, pure air. i know i’ll eventually have to turn my car around, find how far i’ve wandered, come back to reality. but these occasional breaks from the world, from a sometimes mundane and tedious routine—these remind me of who i am and who i want to be. i like solitude. i like myself. and i really like those stars.

 

[title from summit by skrillex ft. ellie goulding]

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