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velour jumpsuit and some house slippers

i’m really bad at shopping. i think it must be some sort of genetic mutation; something i missed out on when my girl brain was being programmed. i get really impatient and bored with it pretty quickly.

last night my roommate [who cringes at my lack of femininity] dragged me to the mall in an attempt to expand my wardrobe. when we started out i was all for it. find cute clothes! find them on sale! i willed myself into being excited. i tried on everything she threw at me, which was usually accompanied by her high pitched exclamation of omg this color is sooo pretty or omg this is toootally your style. we hit the first snag when i wanted to quit trying on clothes and instead peruse the selection of cheap, overpriced bracelets. annnnd this was at the first store we went to. and i did, in fact, buy a bracelet. mostly because it was brightly colored, but justified by the fact that it was for a good cause.

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it was downhill from there. i started dragging my feet (quite literally), alternating between halfheartedly pawing through sale racks and standing motionless, staring blankly at shirts that were all starting to seem the same. i told her to just give me whatever was on the mannequin. mannequins are made for tired shoppers, lacking drive and creativity.

i think the real breaking point for her was when i started begging for a dinner break while getting a running start and seeing how far my slick shoes would let me slide. i think she said something along the lines of feeling like she had a child..(i think my whining ‘mommmmm i’m hungryyyyy’ may have had something to do with it.)

we left satisfied; she was satisfied because i managed to find a few new things and i was satisfied because we were leaving.

i found a sweater at pacsun and excitedly wore it to work today, only to be promptly informed by my male coworkers that it had “ox” splayed across it. and so i now have my orange pacsun ox sweater. just what every girl needs in her closet; an article of clothing that conjures up images of bovine. thanks, shopping. i quit.

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[title from thrift shop by macklemore & ryan lewis]

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