girls in white dresses

work is going really well. i'm making a great first impression. like today, for example, when i called my boss in hysterics to just let her know that i was going to be a little late coming back from lunch because my car was sitting motionless on an access road. and bless her heart she was genuinely more concerned about my safety and well being than anything else. she's not a half-hearted let me know if i can do anything kinda person. she's a let me send someone to help you, i will come and sit with you while you wait for someone to get there, it's not your fault, you're not supposed to know anything about cars kind of person. so thank heavens for that.

quite simply, my car overheated. the water levels were dangerously low and it's a record breaking hundred degrees outside. the whole thing went as it usually does; car breaks down in the middle of the road, friendly passerby stop to help the stressed out barefoot girl who is crying, attempts to push her car off of the road kinda thing. but here's where it got fun: my car had shut off and wouldn't turn back on. meaning the power steering wasn't on. also, my brakes were locked up. so friendly homeboy with the curly mullet told me to put my car in neutral and that he'd give me a good push with his truck. and push he did. he propelled me through the intersection after giving me directions to pull into the gas station. WELL GUYS. when your steering wheel doesn't turn and your brakes won't deploy you are completely out of control of your car. there is nothing you can do except sit tensely in your seat and PANIC as your car jumps a curb and skids across a dirt field and just hope hope hope that it stops. eventually it did, as did my heart for a few seconds. the rest of it was comfortably uneventful; he explained how cars work and what gauges are for, with only the slightest you-are-an-idiot undertones. and then, just for good measure, threw in just the slightest bit of creepy--how come your boyfriend's not helping you? oh you're gonna owe me a beer and the charming give me your number in case you ever get stranded. you're negating your niceness points, buddy. calm down.
so folks, the lesson learned here is that cars, like plants, need to be watered. maybe not everyday, but it should probably be checked at least every six months. and anytime your car goes careening across a vacant dirt lot instead of into a building/other cars/people, you stop right there and praise whatever god you worship.

[title from build god, then we'll talk by panic at the disco]

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