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gone until november

this post could be called "the few days i tried to be a responsible pet owner" or "why i will never really own a dog" or "i will never love another animal again". but i try to stay away from making tough decisions like that, so i'll just tell the story.


this is a dog. i never gave him a name, probably for some deep seated issues that my therapist would love to dig into, but really because i figured he wasn't going to last.

i found this dog on the highway that runs past my office. his paws were bleeding from running on the snow and ice for so long. he was shaking from the cold. we brought him inside the warehouse and he ran from person to person, wagging his tail and loving the attention. we'd called animal control to pick him up, but as he ran around bring friendly and happy i started to get really nervous about him going to the pound. and we all know what happens there. by the time animal control arrived i'd decided to keep him.


the dispatched lady scanned him for a chip, looked at me like i was crazy, and reminded me that if i changed my mind i could always bring him by the pound. 


yeah. like that was gonna happen.

i brought him to my apartment. he was still shivering. i stopped by the store and got him dog food, then got home and promptly fed him all the chicken i had in my fridge. it made my heart hurt to see his ribs and muscles so well defined.

please note that half of the food is already scattered behind him
having him in my apartment was absolutely impossible. i had a full size hunting dog contained in a one bedroom apartment. he was a nuisance. everywhere i was, he wanted to be. he would nuzzle his nose against me every chance he got, lay his head on my chest and try his hardest to fit the rest of his body into my lap. he followed me everywhere i went. i could walk outside with him, let him run, and then whistle and have him come running back to me, bounding across the parking lot with his ears flopping the whole way.


he was needy and clingy and we were perfect for each other. 


his second favorite place to be [other than sitting on me] was tangled up in blankets. if he was merely wrapped up in it, he would twist and turn and spin around to try to further entangle himself.

blurry picture because i was laughing so hard

i took him to my moms to introduce him to my family [wait, was this a dog or a boyfriend?] and quickly learned that he hates being in the car. HATES. he paced back and forth, hopping over the row of seats in the back and nuzzling his way onto my lap.


by the time i got to my moms i realized if i let him out, he would never be getting back in. thinking i could outwit him, i threw a treat in the back of the car to distract him, jumped out of the car, and slammed the door, forgetting that there was ice under my feet. i slipped and fell, busting my knees on the sidewalk. and that was the first time i regretted the stupid dog. as it turned out, no one was home to even see him. i went back to my car and realized that in my haste i'd locked my keys and cell phone in the car. lonely, cold, frustrated, phone-less, and with busted knees i cursed my innate compassion towards animals and started trying to find him a new home.

i thiink he sensed my intentions; he calmed down and started cozying up to me.


i gave him a stuffed animal to chew on [wells fargo gives you stuffed horses when you open a new account] and he went to town, furiously tearing it apart. he'd pause periodically to look up and make sure i was still there, then resume brutally murdering the poor horse.


the best part about it was when he looked up at me with a proud grin.


and then one morning, [okay fine, the next morning] something changed. he got all antsy and restless. he took a massive, runny dump on my carpet and then snuck out the door as i was cleaning it up. frustrated to death, i had another wrestling match trying to get him back in my car. i drove him to a friends house where he could hang out in the backyard while i caught my breath, calmed down, and cleaned my carpet [i am going to make a lousy parent]. no less than five minutes after i'd left, my friend looked out her window to see him clearing the six foot fence. just hopped right over it. and i never saw him again.

i spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning up after him, airing out my apartment, and secretly hoping he would come back.

he didn't.

[title from troublemaker by illy murs]

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